It's funny how a wave starts. My friend posted how encouraged she's been by God this year, she reminded me of the importance of being truly dependent on God for every aspect of my life. For me, that means giving up my "personality." I put that in quotes for the main reason of me being, above all, a scientist. And ever since I was a teenager, my behavior with people has always been a science experiment. I change daily, trying different ways to get people to like me better. Unfortunately, even if someone does like me, I don't feel like they are liking "me," because all "I" am is a collection of actions that are arranged for one purpose, to get a good reaction. This has been my struggle with dependence, what's awesome about the wave is how I've shared this thought with some people and it affects them all, in different areas of their life, but nevertheless, I would gladly give up all I am for God because I know that all "I" am is an attempt to be the love that He is. The actions I always wanted to embody are found in Christ and, for me, that is what true dependence means and I definitely need to be reminded not to fight too hard to make myself into someone God doesn't want me to be. Too often I fight to be who I think I should be. Too often I'm wrong and I'm fighting a fight that I'm never gonna win.
Oh that hurts so bad to never be comfortable with who you are.
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