Anxiety/ Tension... You don't know what it is until it hardens your muscles.
You know it by its fruit and its fruit is pain. You fight it and the fight begins at the hardened skin that keeps you trapped inside yourself, but the fight tears you up inside, your mind is exhausted, your stomach is tight. This is not abstract, this is real, your shoulders tense, your back twisted, muscles asymmetrical. Moving at all betrays how unbalanced you are, how ready to fall.
You eat and the eating relaxes you. Eating is a drug, everything is just a drug to calm yourself, nothing is anything to you but relief.
This is a problem, you may have it even if you can't understand what I'm saying or how I'm saying it. You may have the same knot in your stomach tearing you up inside, you may not be able to raise your hands over your head without pain, you may be inflexible. Slowly turning into a statue, just an image of who you once were. These are some things anxiety does to you. I beg you, there may be no quick cure but to just close your eyes and relax. Please relax.
Close your eyes, let go of everything. Yesterday started for me with waking up unrested, lying on the bed wishing to never get up. Turning to my phone eventually to help me get my mind off of how tired and miserable and unprepared I am for every day. I continued with food, tv, games, music... All the ways I cope. But then I woke up to how things aren't the way they are supposed to be.
I'm stressed every day about how I want to be seen as attractive, productive, strong. Things that I consider myself in control of. But how much more beautiful, productive, or strong am I if I don't allow these things to drive me?
I love you, you hurt like me, I love you. Please relax, physically.
