I can have fun too right?
I guess too often I don't realize it- too often I tell people things I think I know about myself. To know thyself, is it even possible? I guess I don't think so anymore, but I'm not even sure. I'm just looking for something firm to hold me up. Something to keep the rain off my head, but all that's ever laid is the foundation, and if I want the rain off me, I have to build. Maybe fun isn't something you fall into, maybe it's something you have to build on a firm foundation.
I'd do my best to make this make sense to anyone who was reading this, but I don't think anyone would get it. I've fallen for a whole new set of lies, things no one before was foolish enough to fall for. I believe I'm getting better, if my posts ever start making sense again, you'll know :)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Empty
There are so many thoughts I want to get off my chest, some way I can just feel empty. What I've overdone in the last few weeks has been a good example of what I've done my whole life. Overeat. I give in to food like it's a temptation, try to fill myself up with some physical substance when what I need is a spiritual supply.
So today, after I've told myself that I don't have to eat everything before it spoils, I decided to eat when I finally feel empty again. Of course, I'll eat a tad just to keep my metabolism going, but nothing too filling.
I guess it could be ridiculous, but I think I'm going to approach my mind the same way. All my life it's just been eating what it's fed. I think I need to take some time to digest :)
So today, after I've told myself that I don't have to eat everything before it spoils, I decided to eat when I finally feel empty again. Of course, I'll eat a tad just to keep my metabolism going, but nothing too filling.
I guess it could be ridiculous, but I think I'm going to approach my mind the same way. All my life it's just been eating what it's fed. I think I need to take some time to digest :)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Happy
Today I imagined a conversation with my cousin. I eagerly wanted to ask him, a man who is content with the world as it is, if his goal was to be happy or to be perfect.
Being happy is a struggle for me, I feel like it is for a lot of people who struggle with their thoughts, pain, hunger, poverty, or whatever is a constant thorn in their side. In this nation, we are truly lucky to have all that we do. But even amidst all this blessing, I know a lot of people know deep down that they aren't getting everything they need. Especially all they need to be happy.
You can be happy without being perfect, but then that happiness is also imperfect. If you strive to be perfect first, all your needs will be provided. Only by finding perfection, or even understanding it, will you be perfectly happy along your way.
So, I just wanted to document this thought, I hope it speaks to someone, gets them thinking. I hope you all strive for a perfection. I hope nobody settles for a lesser form of "happiness."
So be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48
Being happy is a struggle for me, I feel like it is for a lot of people who struggle with their thoughts, pain, hunger, poverty, or whatever is a constant thorn in their side. In this nation, we are truly lucky to have all that we do. But even amidst all this blessing, I know a lot of people know deep down that they aren't getting everything they need. Especially all they need to be happy.
You can be happy without being perfect, but then that happiness is also imperfect. If you strive to be perfect first, all your needs will be provided. Only by finding perfection, or even understanding it, will you be perfectly happy along your way.
So, I just wanted to document this thought, I hope it speaks to someone, gets them thinking. I hope you all strive for a perfection. I hope nobody settles for a lesser form of "happiness."
So be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48
Friday, December 2, 2011
TV Bust!
A man will convince himself he has no worth so he can be comfortable doing unworthwhile things.
I was thinking today, as I was watching tv. Why am I not trying to go out and accomplish God's Word? Why am I not striving to make disciples of all nations, or take up my cross daily and follow Christ?
It all boiled down to what I wanted to do, and I wanted to watch tv, because I, with my low self esteem, do not consider myself worthy or capable of accomplishing the goal that Christ dictated for my life.
How many times have you told yourself that something is "not for you"?
Isn't it a possibility that you only believe that because you have told yourself you aren't good enough for it?
It can be a job, or an action, a person, or even a meal. Pretty much every little thing you allow your perceived limitations to stop you from doing.
The question I want to ask myself anymore is, "what must I do to be able to accomplish that?"
For so long, I have avoided situations I don't know how to approach. I've avoided approaching new and scary situations because I deem them unnecessary since I don't have the natural ability to approach them.
Where is my faith in God? Where is my desire to be transformed, my desire to be more worthy?
O yea, I don't want to be worthy, I'm comfortable right now just watching tv :)
I was thinking today, as I was watching tv. Why am I not trying to go out and accomplish God's Word? Why am I not striving to make disciples of all nations, or take up my cross daily and follow Christ?
It all boiled down to what I wanted to do, and I wanted to watch tv, because I, with my low self esteem, do not consider myself worthy or capable of accomplishing the goal that Christ dictated for my life.
How many times have you told yourself that something is "not for you"?
Isn't it a possibility that you only believe that because you have told yourself you aren't good enough for it?
It can be a job, or an action, a person, or even a meal. Pretty much every little thing you allow your perceived limitations to stop you from doing.
The question I want to ask myself anymore is, "what must I do to be able to accomplish that?"
For so long, I have avoided situations I don't know how to approach. I've avoided approaching new and scary situations because I deem them unnecessary since I don't have the natural ability to approach them.
Where is my faith in God? Where is my desire to be transformed, my desire to be more worthy?
O yea, I don't want to be worthy, I'm comfortable right now just watching tv :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Inspiration
Every hand should be offered to help hold a heavy heart.
I never offer my hand. I have seen that I need just as much help as the next person. So what am I saying here? Why can't I help another person if I'm hurting? It's the same reason I don't help someone when I'm not. It's the belief that I can't possibly know what they need in order to be where I think they need to be in their life.
So many times I have tried to help someone by turning them into who I am. Not only does it validate who I have been made into. It also makes friendship with them that much easier. It's so easy to be your own friend, you say what you want to hear, do what you want to do. But how easy would it be to get bored with that? Suddenly you are both having the same problems and you can't even help each other out.
I've never really respected people for the fact that they are other people. I mean, today I would like to say I am writing this because I finally am cured of that disease. But no... I'm probably just in the first stages of recognizing there is one.
I started asking God whether I was a good tree or bad tree, and how I can know my fruit is good (this coming from my devotion today in Luke). And I started thinking about learning from God what that means. I pictured God as my master teacher, and I was an apprentice at his shop. My consistent approach to learning has always been to do it on my own, in my own time, by my own desire... Hasn't got me super far. As an apprentice, I feel like that would only result in a bunch of failed projects, and it has. I wish I had given the tools back to the master a long time ago.
I began to think about my dad. My real dad. He asked if I wanted to learn how to do outdoor work quite a bit when I was home. I never took him up on it... I considered my own desires too much; how I never felt like learning that stuff. To me, if I tried to learn, I'd fail at it- when you aren't good at anything, you are always good at failing (in your eyes). But what if that wasn't the level he met me on? What if he came to me at mine first? Sat down and showed interest in what I liked? I don't believe I would be so scared to go out and try something new to me if he had considered the level I was already at worthwhile.
I believe wholeheartedly, the first thing I should do is accept that I do not understand fully any other person. I can only understand what I want, but unless I realize first that they have different wants for different reasons than my own, I will have no desire to learn what those reasons are.
Learning anyone's reasons for why they are interested in something would help me have a greater understanding of, and interest, in the entire world!
It's so important for me to know how I'd want to be treated in a situation. I mean, how can you treat others the way you want to be treated, if you don't know how you want to be treated?
Wouldn't it be awesome though for people to willingly share in your experiences? Those things that you enjoy most? Oh wow, what a world it would be :)
So that's my thesis if you haven't gotten that. The theme to my life lately has been respecting people, and God, as separate individuals (from myself). To really show people that maybe I'm not interested in everything they do, but I am interested in understanding why it is interesting to them. I feel that if I only saw what they saw, I'd enjoy it too- and if I'm looking for them to feel comfortable in learning to know me, I would like them to feel comfortable with their knowledge of themselves.
That last line brings up another question in me though. I know that, to me, love is not necessarily tolerating everything about everyone. I can't watch as a friend goes deeper into a gambling hole, or as they suffer through an abusive relationship. So making someone feel comfortable with who they are, does not require acceptance of the situation, only acceptance of them as you try and understand their view on the situation.
I believe the Bible is Truth, if it was a person (which it was in Jesus), it would be perfect understanding. My own understanding, in comparison to it, would be imperfect. So, in trying to understand the Bible, I will only be able to get to know it like a best friend, never completely, but enough to really think like they do. That's what I want to strive for in my life, that's what I want other people to strive for with theirs, and that is probably the point I was trying to make with this whole post. ;)
If you made it through reading this post, thank you for trying to understand me :) If you have any questions, I would like to understand you more as well, so, ask away! Much love! And as I grow more and more to learn what Love is, that phrase will mean even more.
I never offer my hand. I have seen that I need just as much help as the next person. So what am I saying here? Why can't I help another person if I'm hurting? It's the same reason I don't help someone when I'm not. It's the belief that I can't possibly know what they need in order to be where I think they need to be in their life.
So many times I have tried to help someone by turning them into who I am. Not only does it validate who I have been made into. It also makes friendship with them that much easier. It's so easy to be your own friend, you say what you want to hear, do what you want to do. But how easy would it be to get bored with that? Suddenly you are both having the same problems and you can't even help each other out.
I've never really respected people for the fact that they are other people. I mean, today I would like to say I am writing this because I finally am cured of that disease. But no... I'm probably just in the first stages of recognizing there is one.
I started asking God whether I was a good tree or bad tree, and how I can know my fruit is good (this coming from my devotion today in Luke). And I started thinking about learning from God what that means. I pictured God as my master teacher, and I was an apprentice at his shop. My consistent approach to learning has always been to do it on my own, in my own time, by my own desire... Hasn't got me super far. As an apprentice, I feel like that would only result in a bunch of failed projects, and it has. I wish I had given the tools back to the master a long time ago.
I began to think about my dad. My real dad. He asked if I wanted to learn how to do outdoor work quite a bit when I was home. I never took him up on it... I considered my own desires too much; how I never felt like learning that stuff. To me, if I tried to learn, I'd fail at it- when you aren't good at anything, you are always good at failing (in your eyes). But what if that wasn't the level he met me on? What if he came to me at mine first? Sat down and showed interest in what I liked? I don't believe I would be so scared to go out and try something new to me if he had considered the level I was already at worthwhile.
I believe wholeheartedly, the first thing I should do is accept that I do not understand fully any other person. I can only understand what I want, but unless I realize first that they have different wants for different reasons than my own, I will have no desire to learn what those reasons are.
Learning anyone's reasons for why they are interested in something would help me have a greater understanding of, and interest, in the entire world!
It's so important for me to know how I'd want to be treated in a situation. I mean, how can you treat others the way you want to be treated, if you don't know how you want to be treated?
Wouldn't it be awesome though for people to willingly share in your experiences? Those things that you enjoy most? Oh wow, what a world it would be :)
So that's my thesis if you haven't gotten that. The theme to my life lately has been respecting people, and God, as separate individuals (from myself). To really show people that maybe I'm not interested in everything they do, but I am interested in understanding why it is interesting to them. I feel that if I only saw what they saw, I'd enjoy it too- and if I'm looking for them to feel comfortable in learning to know me, I would like them to feel comfortable with their knowledge of themselves.
That last line brings up another question in me though. I know that, to me, love is not necessarily tolerating everything about everyone. I can't watch as a friend goes deeper into a gambling hole, or as they suffer through an abusive relationship. So making someone feel comfortable with who they are, does not require acceptance of the situation, only acceptance of them as you try and understand their view on the situation.
I believe the Bible is Truth, if it was a person (which it was in Jesus), it would be perfect understanding. My own understanding, in comparison to it, would be imperfect. So, in trying to understand the Bible, I will only be able to get to know it like a best friend, never completely, but enough to really think like they do. That's what I want to strive for in my life, that's what I want other people to strive for with theirs, and that is probably the point I was trying to make with this whole post. ;)
If you made it through reading this post, thank you for trying to understand me :) If you have any questions, I would like to understand you more as well, so, ask away! Much love! And as I grow more and more to learn what Love is, that phrase will mean even more.
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