Fate

Fate can lead a horse to water but it can't make him drink.

Life can lead us so many places, God certainly shows us good things and bad things in our lives.  But it's left to us to choose what to hold on to.  I've been afraid to settle down into a lifestyle, whether it's certain attitudes, behaviours, structures or schedules, I'm just so uneasy restricting my life to a single way.  I've seen myself fail (often) I've seen blindness settle in (as ironic as that sounds) and I've seen my inconsistency leave no room for focus or any true motivation.  Settling into a consistent way of living would be, to me, taking control of my life in a way that is uncomfortable and risky- I've been wrong so many times before, how can I expect to choose the right way to live?

I think the proof is based mostly in how inconsistent I've been living already, always plagued by indecision, always missing opportunities because I'm bummed out, or overconfident.  That has been my way, like a seed that is carried by the wind, never finding a place to settle down.  Sometimes high, sometimes low, but still never given it's first and final chance to grow.  This way of living in  itself is a fail.  Committing to the idea of never committing is still a commitment.  So what is more productive than holding on to what fate has shown you?  Letting go of the bad and embracing the good, running after it with all your heart.

Life will bring to you good things and bad things.
God teaches us to recognize what those things are.

I'm a go with the flow kind of person and, day after day, I've let the current take so many good things away from me because I'm so scared to grab something bad on accident.  It makes me sad, it makes me scared, I've let so many good things go by.  I've missed out on so much living and learning for the sake of my own comfort, yet I still wind up feeling miserable instead!

My attitude of never taking life as it is and always just waiting for something more, has left me feeling useless inside.  Like I said, I want to hold on to what is good, and it's safe to say, that there is not much that can be called "good," but I do know there are opportunities I've missed and that I am desperately going to start living again so that it never happens again.

God gives good things, maybe I should make a list of them and try to surround myself with them (even if I disagree, He's still right) and that's a sure thing.