Treason

I think I'm starting to have the confidence to approach my questions again.  God knows how I got that back... For too long I had lost the feeling that I am who I need to be.  And, Lord knows, I wasn't.  A lot of people seemed to have advice, advice that probably encouraged me to find my own way more than anything.  I definitely don't take advice well.  I feel like it's all a lie and just a way to dress someone up to look exactly like you.  So, I may not take the advice, but I do take the encouragement- knowing deep down, that it's love that is making them try.  It's love that is opening them up to failure.

The only impression that I get is that the "right" thing is based on nothing more than a set of guidelines to follow.  Guidelines, that it would be awesome if I could follow wholeheartedly, but it's tough.  The greatest conflict in my life comes from knowing the person I am and believing that there is a certain way I should behave; a different, hypothetical, person that I should try to force myself to embody.  And every time I asked "why?" I felt guilty for not taking advice by faith.

I think I realize now that I'm not the kind of person who is going to confine myself to any kind of box, but I don't believe it's best for me to become anything for the sake of anybody else, because that, in itself, might be the greatest betrayal to myself and them.