Lately I have been noticing a big change in my demeanor, mostly because I'm allowing it out- instead of modifying who I am to suit what I think other people need from me, I'm being myself and moving along from there.
But today's lesson isn't about that at all, I have just been realizing over the last couple of days how important it is for me to ask questions of myself. Most times I am a go with the flow person, and I end up paying a heavy cost for that- whether it's being unprepared or just getting outdone by those who are more proactive, I find myself settling to the bottom quite often while life passes over me.
I will be honest with myself, I struggle to have many goals, with me being in chronic pain, my goal has always been to get rid of it, but after so many years, my goal seems unattainable and I feel I've stopped really pushing to find an answer, so I've just settled for an unreached goal. I don't plan that often- possibly because my greatest failure is so personal to me that I've lost heart, or maybe it's because I'm just lazy- but I've stopped asking myself questions. I'm stuck in a reactive mentality in a world where you need clear goals and a clear understanding of how to achieve them, and the flow just doesn't carry me quick enough to keep up.
I was thinking on my walk today (I actually named the post after a part of the neighborhood I walked in), and I was wondering why I get into the habit of not looking forward. I feel like it's because I'm rich. All my needs are well supplied for- I have no reason to look ahead- whatever decision I make today, I can "afford" to pay the price tomorrow. What a spoiled mentality that is! And yes, I've always known I was spoiled, and I've been thinking about how rich I am lately, but it's not like I have any idea of how not to be. That's why I want to start looking ahead, not just by making decisions I know will help in the long run, but also by making decisions to accomplish a clear goal at a later objective.
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