All is fair in love and war, but which is this, love or war?
All of us have a heart worth fighting for, most people are admitted lovers, not fighters though. Who's gonna be the one to fight for anyone's heart anymore? Especially when it goes against their own?
Today was a development in conflict resolution, while the conflict is not yet resolved- I'm definitely closer to having an answer to why we should fight. Bear with me please while I try to explain what happened this morning. During Bible Study, my friend asked what I read, I told him I read in Deuteronomy. A great book, in my opinion, about why we are to love the Lord, and I had felt particularly happy with my time in it. He immediately said sarcastically "sounds exciting" and when I tried to explain to him why I loved it, He continued to stand by his decision that it wasn't worth reading, and in that case, showed it wasn't worth listening to me.
I'm definitely not trying to sound super sensitive here, but I am. I hate not having my opinion respected, and hate makes me hurt. I felt I had to stick up for the fact that when someone doesn't try to understand what is important to someone, they are acting foolish. That's why I called him a fool. Now, as you can see, this created some tension, at a Bible Study. Which is, in my opinion, the best place to get into a verbal dispersal. A good friend of ours though, told us how it was, that love was definitely not being shown by either of us. It's good to have friends like that. The whole day I focused on how I should have said what I said better, but I am really glad I got it off my chest, though I was bummed I hurt my friend's feelings.
The whole point of that was to show how I let my heart get in the way of fighting for his. Instead of looking to understand him, I looked at what he said as a direct attack at my dignity. And he, in turn, looked at me the same way. What I have to admit is that I did, and still have, no idea where either of our hearts were wrong.
I started this blog as a direct way for me not to feel like I am disregarding any input someone might have for my life. As much as I hate being told what to do, I really would like to hear what people see and suggest. And as I've found today, though I do not understand why mine or anyone's perspective is wrong, I do need to pursue an understanding of it, just like I need to pursue an understanding of God's.
It's getting super hot here, I don't think I got my point quite across, but let me know what you think. I would super love to here what you have to say. Thanks for reading!
I did apologize today, it is true, that event was not the time or day to deal with what was irritating me. Especially while I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was basically like I had left an open wound for him to poke, I should have dressed it beforehand.
ReplyDeleteI do wish it wasn't always me who ends up apologizing, I feel like everybody always looks at everything that happens as my fault. Eh, just a feeling, I'll try not to let it lead me.